Monday, April 30, 2018

#asskickinapril ends and I reflect

So, all in all the month was mostly a success for me. I had several days when I just couldn't get myself out of a funk, but I spent a lot of time playing games or watching things or even reading things so I don't feel like it was wasted. Even spending all day just sitting at my computer browsing felt like it was better than doing literally nothing in bed all day like I had done before. I feel like I hit the mark for ass kick in april.

May is coming and so I move on to part 2: #MayMotivation The amping up and pushing even harder! I'll play games more than I did in April, I'll walk more and more as the weather gets nice, I'll keep blogging and tweeting more than ever. I'm going to look into getting a stream going, just need to figure out what I'll stream.

I'm hoping at the end of May I'll have blown April completely out of the water and really set myself up for a good summer.

Recommendations for streamable games would be great. Something that I can play on my iPhone 6 Plus or that my computer can handle both streaming and gaming. Maybe I should stream with my PS4? Lots to think about, for sure.

First on the list, I am beating Trails of Cold Steel 2. I don't care if I feel like only playing Pokemon, it's way over due.

Friday, April 27, 2018

in for a penny, in for an update #asskickinapril

This last week and a half has been not so great. I got pretty depressed and upset about life things and it kept me from playing anything. The good news is I bounced back a couple days ago and went hard into Pokemon Black for a replay. I couldn't save the game, at all, because I didn't delete the other data and didn't try saving until after the 4th badge, so when the credits ended, everything went with it.

Pokemon Black and White were my favourite generation when I played them on release. I liked most of the pokemon in the game, I liked that you stayed in only local dex until you beat the game, I thought the pacing and story was a step up for the series. Playing it now, post Ultra Sun, and I can say it didn't age that well. The encounter rate is insane, there is so much talking leading up to the end of the game, the last boss is way too strong (i only beat it by getting lucky with dragonbreath paralyzing pokemon), and things like emolga double teaming every time I fought them was frustrating. It felt like water/ground typing had no counters if you didn't take snivy.

There's only a few days left, but I'm gonna go at them hard. I've been going for walks like I planned too, which is nice, and I'll be starting my new medication tomorrow morning. My birthday is less than a week away too, so getting pumped up for some ice cream cake. Woot!

Sunday, April 15, 2018

in for an update #asskickinapril

Week 2 of #asskickinapril has flew by and we're headed straight into the third week and I still haven't completed a single game yet. I've been too unfocused in what I do all day. I'll play Trails of Cold Steel 2 for 7-8 hours until my controller dies then I hop into something else, lately that was The Alliance Alive.

Alliance Alive was not on my list of games to play this month, but I still played it for about 15 hours and I have to say that it's just not hooking me. There's stuff happening but I don't really care about any of it, there's a ton of battles and I seem to have stopped gaining HP and SP and I don't learn moves anymore, so battles feel completely useless. Every time I get in a battle I sigh because here's another few minutes of my time wasted on something unnecessary, something that doesn't affect the game at all really, and I'm really tired of it. Maybe I'll jump back into later, but for now I'm swapping out to Fire Emblem or Dragon Quest 7/8.

In Trails of Cold Steel, I'm rapid approaching the end. I'm journeying to shrines to gather some ore to make a sword to make Rean better at piloting the big dude. I really need to just game the crap out of myself and finish this thing, but stopping when my controller dies is kind of necessary since I can't use the controller anymore. I wish my longer cord didn't turn my controller off randomly when trying to play with it plugged in. It's actually pretty annoying.

As far as depression and mood goes, I'm doing all right. I spend more time sitting down doing things, but I feel like I waste a lot of time on non gaming when I should focus on playing things more. I read and mess around with lists or Warhammer 40k, look at painted models, read stuff on reddit, stuff like that. It's better than spending all day in bed doing nothing, so I can't really complain too much, but it's not enough to make me satisfied with my behavior. I have to try harder.

I will say this though, there have been days where I felt like doing nothing at all, or that I was so tired I wanted to nap, and I stayed up playing my games. I felt pretty good about it afterwards, but I feel like it takes so long to wake up in the morning that just sitting here instead of sleeping more is kind of wasteful. Still have to try hard for these next two weeks.

Friday, April 6, 2018

First update: #asskickinapril

Well, this first week (or so) has come and gone and I have to say that I've been having trouble keeping awake in the mornings. Some days I'm fine, but some days I'm fighting to keep my eyes open. It feels like it's getting better as the days go on, but I still fight with it.

Games wise, I have been playing Trails of Cold Steel 2 and The Alliance Alive, along with a bit of Pokemon Ultra Sun and some Deathwatch Enhanced edition and Heroes of the Storm. I'm keeping busy all day and I'm playing a lot of stuff, so even with some of the issues I'm facing, I feel like I'm more or less accomplishing my goal. I'm definitely awake and out of bed more and spending less time doing nothing, so that's good.

I can certainly use some company playing games, so I was thinking of streaming stuff, but I have no idea what I would stream. Maybe stream Fire Emblem Heroes again? Maybe I should play something multi player and try to find a group? I'll keep thinking this weekend and come up with my plan for next week. Idea time!

Sunday, April 1, 2018

It's here! #asskickinApril starts now!

i'm up and mostly awake! Today I'm going to start out playing Breath of Fire 2 on my gameboy advance. I'm pumped up and excited! yes! we will do this. We got this! YEEEEEAH!

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Incoming #asskickinapril

So, I decided to start really pushing myself this April for no particular reason other than simply getting tired of how much time I waste due to depression and anxiety. My plan is to wake up early and be occupied with gaming and hobby stuff all day, every day. As the weather gets nicer, I'll be going on walks too with Chi Chi and Wanda. It's going to be a tough month, but I'm planning on following through with this and really testing myself and my current level of mental wellness.

Here comes Ass Kickin April (or Ass Kick in April) and we'll see how it goes. I'll be blogging more, updating twitter more, and possibly streaming to keep myself on track. I intend to do more writing too, just not sure how that's going to play out, but I really need to get back into it.

Gaming wise, I have 4 games I want to beat in April, though I will be going for more once they're done. They're all RPGs though, so they will take a while to get through. Here's a list of games I'm planning on playing:

Breath of Fire 2 (GBA)
World of Final Fantasy (PS4)
Trails of Cold Steel (PS3 - want the platinum trophy)
Fire Emblem Fates (3DS - all three paths)

Some games I'm planning on getting to after those 4:

Golden Sun 1+2 (GBA)
Hyperdevotion Noire (Vita)
Atelier Rorona Plus (Vita)
Advance Wars 1+2 (GBA)
Xenoblade Chronicles (Wii)
Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE (Wii U)
Fire Emblem Echoes

I think that's a bit much, looking at it now. But I will do this and I'll keep track of how well I do. I'll be super annoyed and embarrassed if I crap out due to depression. This will set the tone for the whole spring and summer, so I'm going to make it count!

Friday, March 23, 2018

i can't believe it's not actual talking!

One thing I promise you you take for granted is that when you hear someone talking you can be reasonably sure that there is a real person talking. More and more I question things I hear because Wanda doesn't hear them and they should be very hard to not hear. It's really frustrating because I hear them complaining about something we do and it makes me feel bad and raises my anxiety. But I don't think it's real anymore.

Life is kinda tough right now. Money is tight so I gave my gaming money to Wanda for her to buy new clothes because she's losing weight and her clothes don't fit well anymore. So I probably won't be getting The Alliance Alive any time soon. Sucky.

I have plenty of games to play though, so not getting one more makes a lot of sense. I just really need to force myself to play something different. Pokemon is comfort food though.